Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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