I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
