help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The power of my boobs compel you
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
