she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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