how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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