Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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