Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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