Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
