the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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