You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
