Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
