$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
