tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
