What did we do last night that was yellow?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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