He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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