Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
