Whod you bang
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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