You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
please don't ironically join a cult
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