Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
