no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
