i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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