well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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