I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
