There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I forgot wine drunk hurts
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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