Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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