barbara walters just said penis...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you win again, gameday.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
