Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
