Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
