Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
