I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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