you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
