Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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