yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
