I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
