Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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