She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
