apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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