I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
