I want to stick my p in your. b.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
