it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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