we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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