My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
