stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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