If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
