I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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