I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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