Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
