Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
