absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
