Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
