We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
