I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
