shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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