she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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