Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
