What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
