I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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